just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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