It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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