just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
