she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
