Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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