I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
