I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
