I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
did you just send me my own nude
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
