FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
