loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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