I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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