I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
