omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
