I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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