No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
