He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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