Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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