also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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