I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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