Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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