why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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