Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
