jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
