Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
