I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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