Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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