I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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