so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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