I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize