You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
