She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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