Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
