You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
