I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
