I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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