My hand turned me down
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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