Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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