am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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