I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
