Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
