If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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