I hate all girls vehemently.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
