dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
