when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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