Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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