The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
