So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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