I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
