so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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