were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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