Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
