i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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