i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
