The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
