I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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