also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
