Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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