I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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