I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I puked a lego.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he quoted the bible to break up with me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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