if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
