but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
