She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if only i could text you this smell
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
