Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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