Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
