I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's get the cat blown out
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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