It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
