i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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