And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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