I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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