We got so high we made milksteak
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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