My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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